Why am I suffering?

Thanks to ServantofGod on the GCM board for asking the questions about God’s leading and suffering.

What happens when people feel led by God, but things just don’t work out as planned?  And it’s not just your plan that has crumbled, but what you believe to be God’s plan has proved fruitless and futile.  It’s the type of stuff that shakes your faith.  Honestly I can’t say for sure.  God may have protected the children from something that may have hurt them.  He may have been testing obedience and the test is over.  Or He may have another unfathomable reason
When I have questions I ask freely.  But  God does not have to justify Himself.   Job asked why:

Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind:
“Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
Gird up your loins like a man, I will question you, and you shall declare to me.
“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.
Who determined its measurements – surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?
On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone
when the morning stars sang together and all the heavenly beings shouted for joy?
“Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, so that a flood of waters may cover you?
Can you send forth lightnings, so that they may go and say to you, ‘Here we are’?
Who has put wisdom in the inward parts, or given understanding to the mind?
Who has the wisdom to number the clouds? Or who can tilt the waterskins of the heavens,
when the dust runs into a mass and the clods cling together?
“Can you hunt the prey for the lion, or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,
when they crouch in their dens, or lie in wait in their covert?
Who provides for the raven its prey, when its young ones cry to God, and wander about for lack of food?

He feels no obligation to explain why He did what He did to Job.  He probably feels no obligation to explain things to us.
That said, what does God want from us?  I know He wants to love us so much that we respond with love for Him, but I can tell from the Bible He wants to know about the parts that aren’t so ‘loving’.

We look at Psalms and they are down right blasphemous. David said,  ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ which is pretty blasphemous for a man of his appetites and desires.   He didn’t feel he needed to be right with God to ask Him questions, He just did.

Job said
9 Does God listen to his cry
when distress comes upon him?
and
2 “As surely as God lives, who has denied me justice,
the Almighty, who has made me taste bitterness of soul,

3 as long as I have life within me,
the breath of God in my nostrils,

4 my lips will not speak wickedness,
and my tongue will utter no deceit.

Can we be blasphemous now?  I think so, (aside from blasphemy against the Holy Spirit) and God is completely able and willing to handle it.  It doesn’t phase Him We can ask why.  It doesn’t mean He’ll tell us.

But He will provide comfort for us, in the Spirit and from those who have hurt, or are going through hurt right now.  I have been given healing gifts occasionally from sharing my life and experiences with those who are hurting.


2 Corinthians says  3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Here it is speaking, just like it says, to “all our troubles.”  From the smallest blister on my foot to a struggling with bipolar disorder, God is willing to comfort me through you.

My own suffering, dealing with losing my dream of having a large family, the times in the psychiatric ward, helps me help you.  If I had lived a charmed life I would not be prepared to help anyone, or love anyone.  There is pain in the offering, but I am at a place  I can offer myself to Him to work towards completing His suffering.

If he chose to put these prayers in the Bible, I believe He can stand up against any of our issues and problems.  We didn’t use foreskins as a bride price, murder our lover’s husband, or maintain a harem.  If He is prepared for David’s life, He is also prepared to deal with ours.

I have only one child.  I love  her beyond what I thought possible, but wished for three.  There will be no more biological children in our family, and adoption is nearly impossible for someone with my health conditions.
If my struggles have been knowing God is good even though it appears he has denied me justice.
Why do the child abusers I know get three, two of which were unplanned and I get one?
Why do the babywisers get three when I get one?
According to God, I don’t need to know, but I need to be willing to work through this to help others

2 Corinthians says  3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

This is one of my favorite segments of the Bible.  This doesn’t just mean suffering for the gospel like   I thought it did originally – he comforts us in “all our troubles”

Other things that have happened to me (I’ve been twice in the psychiatric ward due to my mental illnesses – I was extremely suicidal and wanted to kill Small) give me credibility to help others who are hurting.  I am not exactly thankful for my secondary infertility or mental illnesses but  I am delighted that my sufferings can be a comfort to you.  I await the day that they are.

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