Laziness sucks

I don’t like to think of myself as lazy, and I don’t have respect for lazy people. I have spent a good part of my life trying to urge people to reach their whole potential. First in middle school and high school as performers and actors, then as a teacher of developmentally disabled folks, helping them become independent people capable of making their own choices, and as Christians, encouraging people to run the race in such away that they may win. Most recently, my mission and vocation has been encouraging you. If you have a mood disorder yourself, or your husband or wife has one, or if you’re just having a tough time, I hope to push you to do better than your best to live the life you’re been handed. This means all sorts of ugly things most folks in their teens, twenties and thirties don’t want to do. We don’t want to go to bed at the same time every day (consistent sleep patterns are as important to me as a mood stabilizer) We don’t want to quit drinking or smoking or using marijuana (I believe alcohol use was about ½ of what put me in to the hospital last time – I don’t smoke anymore and I’ve never used any illegal drugs). We don’t want a regular life. We want to do as we chose, stay up late, never exercise and blame our fat on Seroquel. We still want to be children, irresponsible and a tad reckless Or that might be just me. But I think it’s not. I am on my way home from Oregon, and I’ve tried to stay on top of things. I make sure I went to bed 8:30-9ish. I didn’t drink at all. I even stayed away from caffeine. Before we left Northern California I stopped by the pharmacy and picked up my meds. All in all I was good, responsible, and ready for action. My in-laws don’t know about my myriad of psychological issues and I intended for it to stay that way. It didn’t really stay that way. The first night I was there I opened and sorted my meds only to find I didn’t have enough of four of them to make in the week. I had two tablets of my ADHD meds, three of my OCD pills and very few of the others. I didn’t panic, but I wasn’t placid either. It wouldn’t be too hard, I’d just go to the Walgreens and get them refilled. Of course this did not go as smoothly as hoped or expected. The ADHD is an amphetamine. I had to get a written scrip for it, which meant I had to go to the Urgent Care to get a prescription. This was not as bad as it could have been. I had a 30 minute wait, and saw a very nice doctor that was shocked I graduated high school and Berkeley with untreated ADHD. He gave me a prescription. This part is what flabbergasted me (I love that word). Without a prescription, without checking with my psychiatrist, without even a call to the pharmacy he wrote me out a prescription for Vyvanse, which, although has no potential for abuse, is an effective amphetamine. I thanked him, touched his coat like a good Obsessive Compulsive and went to the pharmacy to get my drug. If my in-laws had not been respectful of my privacy, the gig would have been up. They would have found out the reason for all these tiny, multicolored pills. They certainly must have wondered. I explained to my mother-in-law while we were waiting that the drug was for ADHD and it was a hard drug to come down from. I didn’t get in to the others. For some reason, I think ADHD is more socially acceptable than manic depression, or OCD even. People are always talking about their kids with ADHD but I’ve never heard a parents talk about their kids ODC flippantly. I’ve only heard two parents, even in the confidentiality an educator is suppose to preserve, admit their children have bipolar disorder. What is the point of this story? What do you learn? You probably didn’t learn anything. But I learned that I need to keep my pill box full so I don’t have to waste a whole afternoon tracking down four pills for $27. I have a large pill box marked with each day of the week. I fill up the squares for morning and night so I never wonder if I take my pills or not. I also know if I’m almost out of one. I hate this task and put it off until the last minute. Instead of taking ten minutes to organize my pills in the waffle container, I thought I would just do it in Oregon. There are so many reasons this was a bad idea and it was pure laziness that kept me from just filling the darn box at home where I should have. What’s worse it that I do not know where this box is right now. I thought I packed it; if I did I couldn’t find it. If I had been responsible my mother-in-law would now know I have AHDH, and she wouldn’t tell everyone in her family about ADHD. (I have no proof she has done this or will do this: It’s just a worry). I wouldn’t have wasted a perfectly good afternoon going from pharmacy to Urgent Care and back again. I’m terrible when it comes to “what if’s” or “if’s”, I dwell on how things would have been if I had done things differently. Initially I can learn from the situation. I am counting on this to be a lesson, and not become a rumination.

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