It is not meant to be – a treatise on unrequited love

“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love” Charles Brown

I keep trying to write this post about unrequited love and have lost it twice…. At this point I am very frustrated and a little bit angry. Does this mean God doesn’t want me to write about it? I doubt it. Is there a special story here that the evil one is trying to prevent from getting posted – I doubt it. Is it just my stupid computer that is failing to do it’s job…. We’ll see.

In college I had a crush on a guy whose code name was “Goat Boy.” He grew up on a farm which had goats and sheep and Christmas trees. He was tall, soft spoken and very smart (although he was not as smart as he thought he was.)

He also had poor hygiene. But I had a crush on him anyway.

I spoke to my pastor at the time about my feelings, without giving his name. I don’t remember what he suggested, but I remember my response: I stopped speaking to him. He would talk to me; I would ignore him. I used to spend an hour watching “Daria” with him and now I didn’t. We watched the sunset from Indian Rock. We ate Stilton and Brie and watched romantic movies together. When this stopped, abruptly and without explanation: I hurt him a lot and didn’t realize it. I don’t know what I was thinking. My crush started to heal and I started feeling better. I released myself from my vow and he stopped speaking to me.

Before I left the house where we all lived (a low level fraternity) I spoke to him. He said he was just copying me and the way I treated him. I laid it on the line, told him that I felt feelings I felt that I shouldn’t. He didn’t respond. I laid it on the line and was rejected.

My friends had mixed feelings about this. My roommate and best friend at the time said that he made the biggest mistake of my life. My other close friend said I would have made the biggest mistake of my life. I think they are both right. I am married now and glad, most of the time, that it is to my husband.

The Bible says that “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a wish fulfilled is the tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12) I think both of our hearts were sick. His from my meanness and mine by not having the thing I wanted so much.

John Mallon writes, “Unrequited love is the very pain of God. The Crucifix is a snapshot of unrequited love. God doesn’t minimize this pain. Suffering it can be a profound identification with Christ’s pain over the lack of appreciation He receives from His Bride. Suffering can be an expression of love and profound sanity. Without love all is demonic chaos.”

I think of the pain I went through and believe it is a taste of God’s pain. I’m not trying to be blasphemous, I’m trying to tell the truth. Crushes can hurt. Being rejected hurts, period.

However, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need” Hebrews 4:15,16

While some folks don’t want to “bother” the Lord with our pain, unrequited love feels frivolous compared to the ills of the world, this is the time the Lord wants us on His lap. He wants to comfort us, he is the only one who can truly know how we feel. He wants to make us well by making us more like him. It seems like unrequited love is one way to do it.

I wanted Goat Boy really badly. I wanted to live on their farm, take care of the animals, read books and discuss them with him. At this point I am so glad that is not how my life turned out. Although I am still fond of Goat Boy I never see him anymore. I think that is good.


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