I doubt there is a woman, or man for that matter who hasn’t been snowed by a lover. It looks like love. When you see him your stomach flutters. She makes you feel special and beautiful and important. He likes you! Just the way you are! Things are perfect! You are so happy. You become prettier, kinder and happier just being around her. You have to sacrifice some things – he’s allergic to dogs so you get rid of your beloved boxer. You eat meat but she’s a vegetarian so you wind up eating a lot of lentils. Little things, inconsequential things. There is nothing that can take the place of your love. You gush to friends. Start looking at wedding rings, imagine how he will look on your wedding day; How she will look pregnant. It’s all wonderful.
Until it’s not. He appears to be one way and he turn out to be very different. I did this twice. Once I was a high school student. He was a freshman at U.C. Santa Barbara. I was a junior in high school. He had long, lustrous black hair and dark skin. His eyelashes were to die for. I wanted him more than I wanted anything.
He asked me to marry him after one date. I said, “when?” I wasn’t ready for marriage, but all I wanted in the whole world was to be with him. He turned out to be controlling, manipulative and down right mean. He never hit me, but he never really treated me well. He ruined day after day and night after night. He wrecked my Senior Prom, refusing to speak to me almost the entire time. The stupidest thing of all was that I was crying, on my knees in the parking lot begging him to stay. He told me later he would have bought me the dress I coveted if he knew which one it was. Would have been nice to have a date that wasn’t an asshole rather than that blue sequined dress. He never told me he wanted to go to another dance and was angry at me because I invited another friend. (The two of us had a fabulous time, by the way.) He wouldn’t attend my baccalaureate and I almost didn’t go to my graduation because of him. Stupid stuff, but infinitely important to a young girl like me.
Next, because I didn’t learn my lesson, was a guy that worked under me. He told me things like, “you look ravishing” and other wonderful things. I was totally starved for attention and drank it up. I’ve already written about him so I won’t take your time going in to it again, but he was awful and I felt awful about myself and him.
And that’s the problem. Just because the woman you’re seeing starts treating you badly doesn’t mean you aren’t a fabulous person. Like I said, you got snowed, and BUT it doesn’t mean you are not wonderful.
The Bible says, “I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.” This is something that took a long time for me to believe. I thought, “that’s fine, but if it applies to everyone, what difference does it make to me?” It does make a difference. You, specifically, have been made in a particular way. I happen to have bipolar and a variety of other illness. I read recently that bipolar is caused by sin; but not by my sin. When we fell, all matter of illness fell upon us. God hasn’t wasted my pain, though. I write this blog. I minister to women who have lost their babies. I help newbies to the mental illness scene; those with the illness and those who deal with the illness in people they love work on living with something they will live with the rest of their lives. It doesn’t have to be horrible all the time. Some of the time, yes. But not always.
But back to you and the wonderful, dynamic, intelligent person that you are. You are absolutely amazing. You are created to be beautiful. I obviously don’t know all of you in real life, but those of you whom I do – I’ll vouch for you. You have a lot to offer. To give up because of these people who did you wrong will be to your detriment and our loss.