I’m not sure if this directly relates to your journeys – but I’ll share with you part of mine.
I was struggling with a certain, embarrassing sin. I just couldn’t snap out of it. I could not stop and felt like my soul was in chains. I prayed and prayed and the answer was “no” over and over again. Then, one day, I was praying and I realized what really grieved me was not my sin, but that I couldn’t believe in God’s goodness. I prayed and realized that no matter what sin I could never over come, no matter anything, God was Good.
Within the month I had been set free from those chains.
Another story. (This might resonate). I was preparing a class for our High Schoolers at church. A few of them were Biola students, back to spend Christmas with their families. I was so intimidated. Here they are, kids who have been Christians almost all of their lives, taking Bible classes and learning all sorts of wonderful things, and here was me: I accepted Christ at 20. I’d never taken a University level Bible class. And I probably never would.
I realized that what I had, no one could imitate. I would not go to seminary, or become a Pastor, but what I did have was my experiences. God had worked in a unique way in MY life, one he wanted me to share freely. What a relief! He didn’t want me to impress anybody, or emulate anybody, he wanted to use me, with all I had, for Him.
Lastly, I think I have a gift of working with disgruntled Christians and seekers. God has given me the ability to cut through the junk and ca ca touted in the world and even the church and get to the truth. I believe his leads to trust – I don’t have tolerance for flowery things covering the truth and for misuse of the Bible. A certain about of trust is built because of that – I’m not going to lie to you, for example, if you ask me a question I don’t know the answer to, I’m not going to make on up. Another reason I believe I can help others is because of all I have gone through. Like the song says, “though there’s pain in the offering”. I would never have chosen a miscarriage, or a move away from the city I loved, or to secondary infertility, but I have seen God use these “gifts” (if you can call it that, I couldn’t think of another word) to help and heal others. It took me a time to get to this place of acceptance, I pray you will find a good place for you.
P.S. Some of you are struggling far beyond what I can imagine. Please, share with me your prayer request, or just your circumstances and I will pray for you. Email me if you want my instant messaging info, or your phone number if you want me to call you. -Loves, Malakoa