Remembering Grief

I was talking to a friend about belly pictures. She’s popped and wants to take some more. I have exactly one picture of me pregnant. My husband is in it and his eyes are closed. I promised myself we would take more next time, but, as most of you know, there is not going to be a next time.

I feel all grieved out, but there is part of that i want to keep, actualllly. i’m glad i was able to write about it so much. There is something precious about it, but I’m not sure exactly why. Maybe it’s that my dreams needed mourning and I need to remember them, but they are not more than a memory, right now. It’s okay. I am okay. I don’t want a little baby and I don’t need a little baby.

I need something else. I’m in the process of getting it. I have a new, great friend. Our kids walk home every day together. One day I was carrying around a frown on my face and from across the room she noticed and asked why I was frowning. Then she came over to see what what up. We talked about it a little. She gave some advice, something I appreciated. She is not easy to push around and encourages me. She asked me to help at her son’s birthday party.

I needed a friend like that. Now, I have a friend like that.

I need to write. It feels good to do so. I’m going to expand myself to writing other than this blog. I have some more free time, though.

I need to study the Bible, something I have not been doing regularly. I’m going to be part of a women’s Bible study, and MOPS, so things will take more of a priority. I am glad to be a part of it.

I want something sweet and I may or may not get it. Caramel. I used to make such good caramel. Caramel.

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