What happens if you’re lonely

I have been lonely most of my life. I am an introvert, that’s true, but cherish my time with my friends, and even my strange family. I need those words of encouragement, I need time with them. All these needs.

Zoloft has helped a lot. I used to be so shy that when it was time at church to greet one another, I’d hopped up, ran to the bathroom and stay there until it was over. As a kid I would circle the play yard, not talking to anyone or playing with anyone – I remember this as early as kindergarten/first grade. As an adult I would go kid places wondering if anyone would talk to me. They rarely did.

Now, with ease I talk to strangers, other parents and sales people. I’ve even made a few friends here, and it’s been nice.

I have always mocked scrapbooking. It seemed like a phenomenal waste of time, attention and talent. What good was there in pouring yourself in something that is, essentially, a photo album?

My friend, L, who I’ve mentioned before, was insistent that I go to the Scrapbooking night at school. Neither of us could make it, so she had her own for the women in the cul de sac. It was a lot of fun and I went out the next day and bought an unreasonable amount of supplies.

Did I like it that much? It was a lot of fun and I love buying things. Are these embellished photo albums worth the time and attention they require? Maybe, but I think the real thing I have sought is friendship. I have found it and want to keep up with it.

But what about scrapbooking? Is this a waste of time or not? What about other artistic endeavors? Writing, painting, sculpting, quilting, even reading – are these a waste of time or an important part of our lives?

Isaiah 42:5 says “Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein”

Gen 1:21 Specifically says that God created whales, which I believe to be the most beautiful thing in all of creation.

Colossians 1:16 For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether [they be] thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him.

God is a creative God! This excites me. Instead of looking down at the things we’ve done with disgust: he loves them. He doesn’t want a life of dullness or purely of work and church commitments – He wants to enjoy my creation.

But what about this whole friend deal? Does this mean I should spend so much money so that I can have something to share with my friend. I think, with more moderation that I displayed it’s okay. I’ve written pages and pages about loneliness and friendless. I think it’s possible I’ve come of out this, but still hoard friends. It’s a fight I have now, and I might the rest of my life.

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