Hi. I got in trouble again, at work, and I’m feeling kinda down about it. It’s my second and a half mistake. Three of them landed me in the principal’s office, something that had never happened to me as a punitive measure as a child. I still feel kinda sick inside.

Here is where I am a hypocrite: I brag about mistakes, encourage my baby to make as many as she can because that’s the real way you learn, and am comfort to friends who have made, even major mistakes with their lives or whatever. I am pro-mistake.

But in this case, gulp, I’m not so pro. Here’s why:

I was hoping for a job. I taught for five years, and I liked it for the most part. There were several co-workers I did not get along well with, but, they were jealous, just like Mama used to say. I did a good job. I made some good mistakes but learned a whole heck of a lot from them. When I transfered to a different school I had a good taste in my mouth.

The other school was not so great for me. I wasn’t good at following rules too much. Embarassing to say, but true. Part of it was other people’s fault. I did a science experiment I was taught by a biology teacher which landed me in big trouble. (There was no mention of the Drama teacher who filled her wing of a good sized school with her fog machine…. everyone thought that was a cute joke.) I let them watch a R rated movie given to me by the Department chair. I learned from this that different rules apply to different people. It’s nerve racking, but true.

In my current situation, the reason the principal’s opinion of me matters, is that he has a job openning that I want. It’s a 1:1 aide for an autistc kid. I would have to pay for childcare but only a few hours in the afternoon. She would love the afterschool program and I would have some income so our debt would likely melt away.

The thing about the mistakes I make is that I don’t feel like they were fully preventable. I trusted the teachers about the fire and the movies. I thought I was helping my friend and the speech therapist. I was wrong.

I wonder, in the midst of all this, if I am really cut out for school work. I’ve not had trouble at desk jobs, but I haven’t had such a job for some while now. I would love love love to go back to school, but we agreed to pay cash for that. I agree with that, but it’s hard to wait, even though my mental health is kind of unstable these days.

Is this post going to be just rambling? Unfortunately the only thing I can do for to today is send you to this webpage: http://christianity.about.com/od/holidaytips/qt/newyearbiblever.htm I was comforted by the verses, and I do hope you will be too.

If there is anything you want me to talk about or read, please pass it along!

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