A dear friend, who asked if she could lighten my load during this season by helping agreed it would be great if she could write a few of the devotions. I thought that was wonderful of her and I was happy.
I’m still happy, but she said something to me that was really telling. She said she wasn’t sure about what to write because the blog is “all about (you).
I had a long think about that. In some ways I am glad, as I am seeking truth and want to be truth. In another way, I was a little ashamed that people tune in just to see what I am up to, or rather that they don’t tune in because of the self-promoting.
There is a reason that I share so much about my self, though. I’ll tell it:
I was in high school ministry and we had a small group of kids who went of to Bible college who were coming back the day before I was going to teach a class. I was pulling out my hair, literally. I wanted to quote Tozer, I wanted to tell them what this really meant in Greek. I cursed myself for not choosing a Christian school. I was getting more and more frustrated.
The, God touched me. He told me that I didn’t need to do what I didn’t know how to do, but rather what I, and only I, had. That was my life, my experiences and my relationship with God. I didn’t need to be all those things I am not. And there a whole lot of things I can’t do.
So they came back. I gave my first lesson or teaching to the group. Some people thanked me, others did not but I felt light. It was like going from a fraud to a legitimate, I don’t know, a legitimate something. In some ways it was like being born again. The Bible talks a lot about spiritual gifts. I believe the best way to find them is to work until you find yourself and your gifts. It’s not a time to wait until it comes to you. I had been teaching for years, but I believe the revelation changed me from a teacher, to one who prophesyed.
I’ve probably told you that story before; I delight in it. When we think, “God can’t use me,” we find he can use all of us, everything we’ve ever done, preparation for all the things we’d have to let go, all the things we get to keep and all the things we’ve loved. And hated. In the case of many things, all I’ve had was myself. And God. He wanted to use me in truth, and couldn’t do so once I hid from him because I was naked. I think he wouldn’t mind so much if I really was naked, but unashamed to walk with Him, because I know He will clothe me.