cancer. Or any really horrible disease. My esophagus doesn’t behave like it should and my cholesterol is a tad high, but everything is okay besides that. I am still nauseous about 1/3 of the time, but he told me to take Mylanta and too see if it helps.
The doctor also told me to get out more. He said that sickness “hurts less” when you’re busy. He, besides from being a doctor, coaches lacrosse, works at the library and coaches the math team. He does this on his day off. I reminded him about the bipolar. I need downtime, something that has been VERY HARD TO ACCEPT AND LEARN. I have gotten better; I used to be tremendously busy. I’d go to work from 8-4. I’d go home for a little bit, then go to band rehearsal at 7-9, then go and meet a girl for one to one Bible study. I was tireless. Now: not so much. I am good for two things a day. That means if I work at the school I can go to the grocery store, OR clean the house. If I go to the doctor, I can also pick up prescriptions and maybe one more thing. It’s such a pest, this stability thing.
In retrospect, I was probably manic. Back in the days before psychotropic medication my manic or hypomanic states could last for weeks. Maybe even months. This sounds fun, but during this time I remained pretty suicidal. On a scale I would say, “moderate”. But any is a real fun-sucker.
I wish I could feel relieved and happy about all of this good health news, but I’m just not. I feel tense. I still threw up. I imagine I will do so again for no real reason. The idea of taking Mylanta grosses me out too.
I am thinking if I have anything inspirational to say today. Anything that might pull you out of the muck and mire and put you back on board.