Off ADHD meds. Still!

I promised updates about how it feels to be unmedicated with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.  I’m in a unique situation because I didn’t start taking it until I was in my thirties.  Then, almost by accident was diagnosed and subsequently medicated.  In the beginning I felt like I suddenly knew what it was like to be able to keep one thought in my mind.  Instead of ideas constantly bouncing all over my brain I could choose one and hold it.  I didn’t have to wait until I was “in the mood”.  I didn’t have to play music in the back while I was writing to train my brain to focus on my work.  In some ways life was better.  (TMI) Sex was better because I was just thinking about what we were doing.  I could track better on other’s thought processes.  I could go to sleep without dozens of thoughts dancing in my head.

And then I went off the drug.

All the ideas came back in full force.  The army of thoughts stomped through my mind usually.  About this time I started taking B-100, so that might have something to do with it.

My memory came back.  I was losing my car every where I parked, no matter where I went.  Since I quit I have not lost my car even once.  I am able to remember stories I’ve told so I’m not telling them over and over again.  I used to go in to a room and not remember why I went there.  I’m sure you do that too, but I was doing it pretty much every time I went in to another room.

Did the Vyvanse do that to me?  Who knows?  But I’m not going on it to find out.

This sort of hyperconcentration is good for living in the moment – hence the example using sex.  But I was able to sit and read a few chapters of a book, set the book down and re-read the same chapters without being aware I was re-reading.  Now I’m able to comprehend a book.  I don’t know how Vyvanse would have helped me in school, but I don’t think it would have helped at all.  My brain was like a car stuck because of a train.  Running, but not going anywhere.  I wouldn’t be impulsive, but my impulsivity never really hurt me before.  Maybe it did and I don’t remember.

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One response to “Off ADHD meds. Still!

  • Synesthesia

    Yeah, this anti-anxiety/depression stuff I am taking is not so bad… The changes are not totally noticeable, but perhaps I sink into the depths less, so that is good.
    it gives me weird dreams though. I just lay there going, dang, what is my subconscious going on about? It makes up these crazy stories. I should write them down.

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