Very excited to take her pill!

Seventy views yesterday!  Thanks everyone, I am refreshed and encouraged.

My daughter likes to make things fancy.  She cleaned up her room one day (she is five and battles against this) and covered it with large, pink, butterfly stickers.  She likes to dress in funny clothes, well, not funny to her, but she wears a pair of stretch pants or other pants, a multi-colored dress, a random sweater and pink snow boots to school everyday.  According to my mom I did that too.

She wants to be near me, in my lap, mostly.  She sings the songs I sing, she likes to sleep in my bed.  She is all about mommy.  I know most kids are like that, they prefer their mom’s to anyone and want to be like their moms in every way.  It flatters me and makes me so happy.

But of course, there is that wacky bipolar to consider.  She watches me take my morning pills most everyday, and I take a big handful of pills.  She wants to know why I take them.  I tell her it’s so I can be healthy.  She goes to the doctor’s appointments and I tell her the same thing, whether it’s the psychiatrist or the pediatrician.  It’s all so we can be healthy.  It’s not an easy thing to do, this whole being healthy thing.  For me it’s a struggle and sometimes a out-right fight.

Today she asked about the pills again.  She gets to take a fluoride pill and she finds it exciting.  She knows not to even touch mine, so it’s special to have one of her own.  It’s chewable so she doesn’t have to take a big gulp of water.  But she still gets to be like mommy.

I wish that she didn’t have to experience that, but have come to terms with it.  I need pills.  There is no shame in it.  I don’t ask her to hide it from the neighbors.  I’m waiting for the day that she announces to her classroom, “My mommy take lots and lots of pills!  I won’t call her a liar.  But I will tell the teacher that it’s not really any of her business.  Because it’s not.

My mother had three serious things she wanted to bring up with me.  The first was her attitude about pills.  She wanted to take them, discussed taking them, talked excitedly about her getting to take them.  I interrupted her and told her what I told you:  There is nothing wrong with me or anyone else taking medicine.  I need it.   No matter how horrible people think mentally ill people are, I’m still going to be mentally ill.  And I’m not horrible.  So, if she wants to talk about her pills, so be it.  Although it is heavily stigmatized, for us it’s a way of life.

I don’t remember the second thing she wanted to talk to me about.  It probably had something to do with money.  The third was her offering to pay for Mr. Malakoa’s vasectomy.  That still makes me giggle.  He did go  ahead and get one, but we never told her and that makes me giggle.  Every time I complain about an upset stomach she asks if I’m pregnant.  I’m not.  Hee hee hee.

Thanks again, to everyone who tuned in.  I’m glad to have you around, and if there is a way I can bless you, please let me know.


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