As usual, I have nausea. Not as usual, I have a pill for it.
I used to hate pills. I went years without taking so much as an aspirin.
Now, I’m the one that pushes the anti-ds, the mood-stabilizers, even sleeping pills for people who tell me they haven’t slept in three days.
I live a better life because of medication. There is no question I am alive this second because of psychotropic medication. So, when I started randomly throwing up I was prepared to just forget about it. My mom and my husband said, “No. Go.”
I went. I don’t have an ulcer, or stomach cancer or anything scary. I just throw up. My hands hurt I am so nauseas and I throw up. Also, my cholesterol is a a little bit high. Great.
For the last two weeks or so I have been deeply convicted that my diet is really, really hurting me. I sneak the Halloween candy. I eat “known” junk foods like chips and nasty Hostess cupcakes. I don’t eat like a person that loves her body and wants to live a good life. For many people, but especially those of us with mood disorders, getting around that concept is tough. It’s part of the journey that we do not want to take because the path is too steep. Isn’t it enough to take my half a dozen prescription medications today? Isn’t it enough I go to counseling? Do you have to take my milkshakes away too?
And the answer, you spoiled brat, is that I’m not taking anything away from you. You’re not in a lock-down facility. You’re an adult, and if you want to be well you have to start acting like a healthy person. That means you can’t have a milkshake every day and then complain that you’re gaining weight from the medications. That means you’ve got to do something – maybe go for a walk? Blow some bubbles? Sip some tea? And be meditative in an attempt to get yourself to calm down. If you can’t do that try running for one minute and walking for one minute until you can’t do it anymore. Do something. If you want to.
I didn’t want to until yesterday. I think I’m going to do it – watch my diet, that is. If I quit eating just junk food I would probably watch the weight fall off and live a better, longer life for my baby, for my family and even for you.