I took at least eleven pills this morning. This was just to start the day. I didn’t take them all at once, although if it wasn’t for the B-100 I could have. It took three separate gulps to get them down.
I have been pretty cool about taking pills and have been since the beginning, but this morning this old feeling came back. I thought, there must be something seriously wrong with me to have to go through all of this just to have a semi-productive life. Tonight I sorted them out, and in addition to the 1/2 dozen of medications I take for my brain I also take a few for stomach issues. It’s just a hell of a lot of chemicals I pump in to my body. And if I don’t, I’ll find a way to kill myself. My life really is that simple.
There are other things I need to do, too. I need to go to sleep, for example. I need to exercise hard everyday. I need to eat what is good. Yesterday I didn’t binge on treats and felt so good. Then, I went a head and had some sugary snack at the pharmacy. Why do I do these things to myself?
I haven’t the slightest.