Mr. Malakoa has been at it for 5+ years about the way I eat. He did have a point. Not only was I overweight, I deserved to be overweight. Sometimes I’d drink a milkshake a day. With fries. I’d eat only toast for breakfast, an apple and a bag of pop-chips, and a 1/2 pound of chocolate for dessert. Sometimes I’d spice things up with a few shots of rum. I’d eat what he cooked for dinner, but had a snack or ten before I went to bed.
This was not doing my body good.
I quit drinking about four years ago. I sniffed a glass of something a few days ago and did not like it. This is not going to make me start drinking again, rather it confirms I made the right choice.
Now, about diet.
I finally finally finally decided that it was absolutely necessary to take off the weight when two things happened. #1. The scale tipped 190 pounds. (I am 5’9″, but still). #2. The way my jeans fit. At my daughter’s classroom there are mirrors that stop about waist high. Usually I have that muffin top look, but the part of me UNDER the waist were also bulging. This was going too far.
There are more noble reasons to do something about it. Sure. My cholesterol, while not high, was two points above normal. The varieties of psych meds I take make it necessary for me to get blood tests every three months. This is to make sure they are not causing bodily harm. The way I was eating was pitting myself against the body.
I decided what to eat and not eat after much thought. I clearly would not eat sugar. I would lie, cheat and steal for See’s Candy, and would only cheat and lie for Godiva. I had decided a few months ago that I wasn’t going to drink Diet Soda because everywhere I looked there was someone telling me how dangerous it was, so no soda at all. Other sugar substitutes had proven to draw me in to themselves and lure me to the harder sweeteners (like high fructose corn syrup or sugar.) High Fructose Corn Syrup was an obvious cut – I had learned just plain fructose was made from HFC, so there would be none of that. Agave syrup, honey and pretty much anything sweetened by anything but itself (like fruit) was out. So was juice, it just gave so much of a sugar high I would drink the whole bottle.
Honestly, though, I didn’t have to give a whole lot of thought to anything else. Beef – yes. Chicken – yes. Vegetables – an unquestionable yes. Milk – no. Cream – yes, because it’s fat lowered the glycemic index. Coconut milk – fine, but I am getting tired of it. Bread, pasta, refined carbs -nope. Quinoa – yes, it’s from the beet family. Cheese – okay as a treat. Fruit – yes yes yes, but I think as I get closer to my goal I’ll have to lower my intake. Beans – okay, but I don’t always like them. Of course, if I am at someone’s house that doesn’t have these kinds of foods, I’ll eat them, and feel bad for three days.
All that to say, I’ve been completely stable for 9 out of 10 days. It’s good. There is still fun, there is still sadness, there is still joy. In a way I think I was afraid of what stability would bring, as it is so foreign to me. It’s turned out okay. And I’m getting leaner, my digestive system has regulated itself. My skin is even clearing up a bit.
I felt before that losing my homemade chocolate chip cookies were not worth the benefits. But I see things differently now.