I’ve wrecked it

There was, and is, a 5 for $1 sale on good quality cardstock and paper at Joann and Michael’s craft stores.  I went.  I bought.  I got kinda high.  Not super high, but high enough.  I didn’t start out that way.  I didn’t think it was a bad thing just to go in.  I had been in the stores before without buying anything.  But I missed the signals that this was a bad idea.  I had to give back what was left of the money I had, and taken out of our bank account, and give it to Mr. Malakoa.

A tad humiliating.  I can’t believe I traded my stability for a batch of paper.

I got a message from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in years.  His favorite aunt died, in her sleep.  The death was a surprise.  He is distressed and unhappy.  I called him and we talked like nothing had happened.  He seemed starved for conversation and understanding.  I don’t know if I gave him that or not, but he didn’t want to get off the phone.  He old me long stories and other things.  I had to go pick up my mom so I tried to hang up with him, but he couldn’t stop talking.

I offered my services in any way I could.  This means a funeral three hours away.  That should be easy.  Strangely, all of this has been easy.

One more thing:  I’m down five pounds.  Our scale is off kilter, so it may be I lost more than that.  It feels good.  I feel healthy, and the only thing I want to do is eat too much fruit and eat chocolate.  It’s worth it, though.  I do feel a lot more stable emotionally.  If you have a mental illness and you haven’t tried already, get on a strict diet.  It straightens out your brain, your skin and your colon.  Go diet!

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