around the block and back again

We went to a party back in our old haunts and it was nice.  But, to be honest, that was all it was.  Of course it was wonderful seeing old friends and being loved on, and loving back.  I spent a time with my friend’s elderly mother.  She was sharp and fun – I can see where her daughter gets it from – but there was no real connection.

I felt that way about everyone there.

It was a friend’s birthday party and it was at his house.  They have worked on their family’s dynamics for years and it felt that things had changed.  Their eldest daughter was away and I missed her.  They redecorated the living room.  It was very nice, but, of course, not how I remember it.

I missed my friends, but, strangely enough, I feel like I do have such connections here in my new home.  I have women I can confide in, share child woes with and help me choose my next hair color.  To be honest, I don’t think I felt this way in our old town.  I loved my friends, but they were all very busy and it was difficult to stay in touch even when we lived in our home town.  Only three friends have made it our way since we moved and the phone calls dropped off before we lived here even a year.  It’s not that they don’t love us, I know they do, but it’s just an issue of “out of sight, out of mind.”

They spoke a lot about Mexico and how much they missed me there.  For whatever reason I am a good translator and the other interpreters there had a tough time with the services.  I really regret not being able to go.  I know we would have bonded again and I would get to meet some of the new kids from youth ministry.  I miss them.

I do miss my old friends very much.  They do have a special place in my heart, but it’s not the same.  I have a few friends who will be mine forever, but, to be honest, I can’t tell who they are going to be.  I lost my best friend to her abusing husband.  He was and is also a child abuser, and even though she and I should be friends forever I can’t tolerate it.  It makes me sick.  She had planned on leaving but didn’t – leaving his children to grow up in a house full of anger and arrogance.  I can’t be friends with them any more, knowing what she is willingly doing.

My new friends are different.  They are both happy and unhappy in their own ways.  A couple of them are planning their get away.  I can’t discourage them because I know these women are able to cover up what’s really going on in their lives.  If they plan to go, then maybe they should.  I don’t have the words or even the right to give an opinion.  I don’t know what’s going on, and I think it’s not my business anyway.  Maybe it is, though.  God loves marriage and is sad when it dissolves.  Is it my responsibility to make sure it doesn’t?  Should I try to convince them to do otherwise?

All that back to our old home.  We once had this adorable cottage.  Porch.  Big trees.  Freshly mowed lawn.  White picket fence.  The first thing I saw was that our cute little fence had been replaced with a totally incongruous black wrought iron one.  They had added a new red roof, which was actually nice.  The grass grew over the fence.  They had a motor-cycle on the front lawn.  I couldn’t look any more.  It was too awful.

I think that’s all for now.  I feel rather sad about all this.  I also feel a real thankfulness.  Things are good here, and I am sad to say in a lot of ways things are superior  Mr. M said once that in a way our lives are better here and he is right.  Our house heats up, our school is close by, the cost of living is lower and I have better medical care.  I do miss my old psychologist but I have a very good therapist here too.  It cracks me up that so many of the people I know are part of my health care team, and even so I feel I can trust them with confidentiality.  The small town feel is definitely a part of where we live now.

I think that’s all.  Sure to have more reflections later.  Thanks for reading.

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