What I did today.

I went to the bank today to cash the $10 check my mom gave me when she heard we were rationing milk until the first.  Our account is overdrawn and they wouldn’t just cash the check for me because the check was not a Wells Fargo check.  They would have to deposit the check first, and the deposit would be used to cover the insufficient funds.  I left, almost in tears.

The logical next step was to go to Target.  So I went to Target and used a gift certificate to buy a bunch of tasty treats for me and Small.  I ate most of them and felt very sick.  Next, I wanted to drink some of my husband’s Rebel Yell whiskey.  I came so close and tomorrow I think I will probably do it unless fate intervenes.

I feel good if I eat a diet full of vegetables and fruits and meats and toast, but I don’t do that for myself.  I binge on sugar and wish for alcohol.  It sucks.  There is no bemoaning, “Why can’t I be normal” but the truth is that I can’t.  There is nothing normal about me and there never will be.

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