I have a very good friend who became unexpectedly pregnant a few months ago. At first, she tried to not be so excited in front of me. I was excited for her. I am excited for her. Of course I want a baby of mine own, but that’s not the way God is working right now. Lately I’ve been thinking about adopting teenagers… six and seventeen year olds – help them get on their feet and on their way to tech school or college. But that’s another day.
My friend is sick. She’s achey and has bad nausea. It brings me back to the early days of my pregnancy when there was hope I would be done with the sicky feelings at the end of the first tri-mester. I was talking to a colleague about my illness, at her behest, when she reminded me smugly (I’m sure she thought it was wisely) that this was what I wanted.
I think that was the number one stupidest thing anyone told me during the pregnancy. Of course I wanted to be pregnant! Of course I wanted this baby! But who wants to be sick and vomit from the time she wakes up to bed time? Who wanted to wake up in the middle of the night to throw up? Nobody. Did not wanting all that suffering mean that I didn’t remember I was having a baby. Please. Second stupidest thing anyone said to me? There was a woman at our church who tried to conceive for years and years and was finally pregnant. She was sick during her pregnancy. She told everyone that the sickness, “felt good”. Come on, woman. This is not an idiot’s game.
My friend is kind to me. If I asked her not to bring up her aches she wouldn’t, but I want to be a good friend. Right now I’m at a point I can be there for her. I want to be beside her the best I can during this time. Sometimes I feel a twinge of jealousy, but I don’t want that to get in the way of the good stuff. I want to see her through it – I want to be one of the first ones she calls when the baby is born. I can’t have another, but that doesn’t change my desire to be a good friend. I can’t really live vicariously through her because the family is so far away. It’s won’t be “my baby”. If I had the money I’d fly out for the birth and take care of her for a couple of weeks, but I can’t do that. I can only listen to my precious friend’s complaints. She is suffering, but it’s not going to be a deal breaker for our friendship.