Even though I am so sick, I find myself wanting desperately for other artists to notice me and love my work. There are a few people in particular that I want to read my blog. I want them to check their email and then check my blog. I want them to be disappointed when there is no new story and excited when they relate. I really want them to relate to me, my online persona (that I hope is like me) and my struggles. Not everyone needs to be bipolar, but there are other paths that other are on that are difficult. I want them to relate and want to ease their burden, So much loneliness comes from illness, infertility (even secondary infertility) and the lost of a friend. When it happens, sometimes, I feel superficial. I keep all of this to myself or tell it to the “wrong person”. It hurts.
But I think I am the type of person that isn’t the “wrong person”, I’ve met wonderful people through the blog and also gotten to know some friends more closely from it. I’ve been told that I am the only one who understands, and although I wish it wasn’t so, (I wish they had a dozen close friends) I get joy from that. I want to help folks get back on their feet and I want to help them stay upright.