Can I still lament?

The whole still being forty pounds over weight is bothering me and I wish it wouldn’t.  I am twenty away from a job at Weight Watchers.  Either way I feel like walking around with this extra weight is like having dirty toilet paper hanging out the top of my panty hose.  It’s embarrassing, and how many people have seen it before some merciful soul tells me.  Thank you, Mauditmo.wordpress.com.

Kicking it in my husband’s lounge pants and a dark blue t-shirt I feel good, and looking in the mirror I feel fine too.  I should take some comfort in the fact I can buy clothes that fit.  I can’t see myself as looking too bad in clothes, but I am known for a dissembled view of myself.  Forty pounds to go.

I had a milk shake today, 19 points.  Self-sabotage.   I’ll weight in at a Weight Watcher’s meeting tomorrow.

Whatever.

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5 responses to “Can I still lament?

  • Helen

    Dude, you are doing good. So what that the milk shake was 19 points. At least you knew that. At least you are still gonna go weigh in. That’s reality check at that big-ole’ scale. Hang in there. There are definite hi’s and lows. Having 4 kids in 5 years definitely messes with my mind on the weight issue too. People make the stupidest comments. I just want to smack them. Be on the journey for yourself….cuz even tho’ I’ve lost the prego weight, people still ask me if I’m pregnant. Dude, I weigh less than I did on my wedding day and you are gonna ask me if I’m preggers? Get a life! Sorry to go on and on on this comment, but feelings related to weight is so real and if invalidated, it just makes us want to have 3 more shakes!

  • mauditmo

    I certainly hope I did not create a monster of self-scrutiny and self-hatred. You are beautiful and awesome just the way you are! You do NOT need to be embarrassed or ashamed or as obsessed as you seem to be. Now I feel bad.

    On one hand, yes, I support your Weight Watchers and pursuit of healthy weight loss, but I in no way intended to make you self-conscious!!! Please try not to be obsessive! Be kind to yourself.

    Love!

    • malakoa

      Mauditmo -I’m actually feeling a lot better today and also yesterday, but I still am genuinely thankful to you. Not so much everyone else, whose comments fell on dead ears, but to you who told me the truth, without any sort of personal agenda or benefits. You merely opened my eyes to what was already there. It’s a good thing! Thank you for that.

  • malakoa

    Also, mauditmo, I feel more in control now about all this stuff. You did a good thing. You are a good friend. 🙂

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