Getting past things PG-13/R for language.

I never left Small to cry it out.  I tried putting her down once, so I wouldn’t go crazy, and I lasted less than thirty seconds.  I nursed my daughter pretty much whenever she wanted to and let her feed herself solids when the time came.  I never did “tummy time” and let her pick out her outfits however she wanted, except for family photos, I mean a mother needs to have some boundaries.

I was certain what I did was right, and I wouldn’t do most things differently.  I might put her on a better schedule, as she gave up napping at about 16 months and I think I probably should have insisted, but I didn’t.  I was so certain that I was strongly judgmental of the parents who were doing things differently.  I thought it was cruel to let a baby cry, especially a newborn.  I thought schedule feeding led to starvation and failure to thrive.  I saw nappers as slave to a schedule.  I honestly could not be happy for parents who were pregnant who were doing things differently.

I’d like to say I’ve changed and I have.  I had a very good friend, a better friend to me than I was to her in almost every day.  She gently nursed her daughter, but put her child her sleep and eat on a schedule.  I felt very strongly that she was doing the wrong thing.  I felt so strongly that I resented the heck out of her on behalf of her child.  This is an example of things not being my business.  She told me once that her daughter so loved her schedule that she would fall asleep right on time everyday, almost right to the same minute.  Daily this baby fell asleep at 10:10, 2 and 7.  I hardly even believed her.  I mean, babies were not built like that, right?  But hers was.  Her second baby was not like that, and that made me chuckle.  In retrospect, she was in tune with her daughter and, although I still disagree with the CIO, was in tune with exactly what her child needed.  Maybe even more than the Attachment Parenters that she despised.  Although my bet is, after babies 2 and 3, she was more gracious about.  She was thoughtful and chose what she was doing carefully.

There are still two families I have less, if any, forgiveness for.  One is a professional health care provider.  She was referred to Babywise, which is one of the worst books ever written about parenting, child rearing and all things like that.  My friend, although super educated, likes to be told what to do, something which Babywise does happily.  She told me, “It was hard.”  My question is, “Why the heck did you do it, then?”  Another friend of my husbands, (I refuse to claim her) gives the damn book to anyone who is having a baby.  Her disciples have suffered from dehydration.  She admits to doing stupid things like smacking a child’s hand and not seeing obedience.  She was frustrated with her baby’s lack of obedience as he turned one.  ONE!!!!  What the heck is that?  And if the book did not live up to its promises, why did she keep passing it out like Halloween candy?  It personally offends me that she would pass them out.  It also offended me greatly when a woman in my Bradley class wanted to share his “Let the Children Come” as a means to evangelized.  Please.  In my mind, but never spoken aloud is my personal name for all this nonsense.  It’s called “F— You Parenting.”  You want something or need something?  Well, F— you.  I decide what to do because I’m your mother and I choose to let you suffer.  The world is a terrible place, full of loneliness and discomfort and I’m going to be the one to teach you that.  Check www.ezzo.info for more information.

Didn’t know I still felt that way.  So, I’m not perfect, but I am getting to the point I can be happy that a child is born, regardless of their parent’s philosophy.  As the kids got older less of this was implemented.  We moved on to spanking and other issues.  That’s another story.  One I will not share today.

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4 responses to “Getting past things PG-13/R for language.

  • Cowgirl_Mama

    I can totally understand being frustrated when people choose some of the parenting techniques recommended in Babywise and similar books. I always try not to say anything (directly, anyway, I may blog about it in a general sense), but sometimes I just feel so bad for the children! Sometimes I just try to pretend I don’t see it because it hurts me to see a baby crying or know that a child is being spanked.

  • Dewi

    “F- you” parenting. That’s awesome, M.

  • Janice

    Wow. Tell us how you really feel lol. 😉

    I hide Babywise books behind others at the store. I do believe it is the only parenting book the AAP ever called “dangerous.”

  • Lori Ann

    Wow 🙂 I haven’t read it but what people have told me they ‘learned’ from it definitely sounds the way you describe!

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