“Everything happens for a reason”?

Do I believe that everything happens for a reason? Do you?

The Bible teaches all things work for good for those who love Him and are called according to Him purpose. Is this a reason? Yes, I suppose it is. It does not mean that everything that happens is “good.” It can’t be because it’s obviously not. My pastor friend whose young sister died in a freak auto accident told me that because God is good, the death was good. No way, buddy. That doesn’t even make sense. It’s counter-intuitive. It can be used for good. He may become more soft hearted to one who has lost someone he loved. Her husband and son may be open to rely more on spiritual things, something my pastor friend had prayed for vehemently. It’s just hard for things to jump like that right away.

Martha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy teaches that everything has a cause. It’s not a fatalistic statement. It’s the truth. The sister elected to stick her head out of the window. No one knows why. The bridge was there. She hit her head. She died. It wasn’t really random and it’s completely explicable. It doesn’t make it less sad, it makes us understand the reason behind the cause of death.  At some point this might be a comfort.

When bad things have happened to me, I have almost always been able to use the story to edify and sooth other hurting people.  I look like a plain, ordinary housewife.  It doesn’t look like I was the type of woman to make sure she didn’t drink until noon to get blitzed.  Or maybe I do.  I don’t think I look mentally ill, (except when I let myself go and don’t wash my hair or change my underwear for five days.)  In some ways mental illness has been marvelous.  If anyone can understand what it feels like to be depressed or fully manic, I do.  Because of my (rather early) miscarriage I can speak to women who are dealing with child loss or miscarriage.  Compassion has been my tutor though out all of this.  I thought I was a caring person before Life happened to me, and I must have been.  But I lacked empathy and I lacked true compassion.  I’m not a Star Trek empath, but I am good things because of things that happened to me that shaped me in to them.

None of this compassion stuff happened right away.  I had to work through most of the time with other people who went through the same thing who helped heal me.  The Bible says that we should pray for each other so we might be healed.  God wants us to pray for ourselves, but only others praying for us is a call for true healing.  Obnoxious people say that if you really believed in God and have faith, you would be okay right away.  This sort of thing is a ridiculous.  The Bible makes it clear that the people around the person needing prayer are the ones that need the faith.  The “useful” input about how you lack faith needs to be answered with, “no, Sister, it’s YOU that lacks faith.  If you were praying and believing like ya should, I’d be totally cured of my stage III melanoma.  When I die, go ahead and blame YOUR lack of faith”.

* **

Weight Watchers!

I’m going on vacation in about a week and a half to an amusement park in Southern California that is not Disneyland.  I will be eating corn dogs, chili cheese fries and ice cream.  I know this about myself.  I went to the fair last weekend and ate three bites of a corn dog.  It was good.

To prepare for this trip, I am being obsessive compulsive (not the hardest thing for a person who really has OCD) about measuring meats (lamb for dinner) cheeses and relying on veggies and fruits.  I’m trying to drink real water other than sparkling water with sugar free Tornani syrup.  I made cookies and didn’t eat half of them.  (More like 1/4 of the batch.)  (Just kidding).  My exercise is going to be mostly walking around, so that much is good, not great.  I haven’t been so good about exercising anyway.  I am concerned my old pants, that fit just fine, thank you very much, that they will not fit anymore.  It’s seventeen pounds alway from a job at Weight Watchers.  It’s not so much WW that I care about as much as the extra money.  Well, I think I do care some.  It would be great to be able to get people pumped up about health and self-care.  I want to be an example of that lifestyle.  Not that I want to resented or perfect.  I just want to be me, minus 20% of my original body fat.  I want the women, not to set unreasonable goals, but to be in charge of their lives, self-controlled and themselves.  Because that is the best thing any of us can ever be.


2 responses to ““Everything happens for a reason”?

  • Michael Cartwright

    I do know that time has its own agenda…and healing comes at its own pace. To time stamp where you were to where you are now is the only gauge of healing. I lean on God because I have found comfort in Him. In reading your words, it sounds as if there is comfort in Him for you as well…it is just at your pace. And at your pace is a good place to be. Thank you for your honesty!

    God bless,

    • malakoa

      Thank you for your kind words. I looked over your blog and saw that you have a tender heart.
      Keep writing and you will comfort others as He has comforted you.

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