Even though I’ve written here angrily and had violent fantasies, it is rare for me to get really passionately hateful about things like I used to. Once upon a time I’d see a bumper sticker I didn’t like: “He’s not my president” or “My other toy has t*ts” and I’d fantasize about having a sack of grenades in the pack of my car so I could bite the pin and toss it into the bed or their truck or their unfortunately (for them) open back windows. Although I can be hateful and unpleasant, I’m no where near where I used to be. It’s nice, actually, to have that passion cooled. But it does still come up. Just rarely.
Now instead of mad, I get sad. Sometimes I’m too busy being sad that I forget why I am sad. It’s like the man in the Little Prince who is drinking to forget. What is he trying to forget? He is trying to forget he is drinking.
What makes me sad? It really makes me sad to hear about parents hitting their kids. More than that, though, is to hear them giggling about the swats and switches. Dave Ramsey even described the punishment he bilked out as a “beating”. Then he went ahead, in almost the same breath, about how precious his son was to him and how he could slightly understand how God felt for Him own son. Dave Ramsey: weird. Who’s going to come to Christ with such a weird introduction? It makes me sad to read about elected officials who do bizarre things that cost them their position.
I’m not that sad today, though. Feeling a little pressured about my work schedule. I forgot what it meant to work five days a week, even if it is just in the morning. I don’t have the kind of job I can coast for a day or two if my health requires it. It’s all or nothing baby. Let’s see how I survive.
I have lost 24.7 pounds. Is that impressive? I can’t believe I did it. Not out of some self-loathing. It’s just that I lost nearly 25 pounds without truly noticing it. My pants are loose. That’s about all I’ve noticed. No one has even said anything to me. Which is okay, I suppose. I read once that, “Gasp! You’ve lost weight” is an uncivilized away of saying, “Boy, were you fat!” No one wants that. Even someone who’s lost 100+ pounds. But I’ve only lost 25. What do I know?