Ah, furlough (PG mentions cancer)

My wonderful missionary friend and her family of six are coming home to American three months earlier than they planned. Less than a year after losing her mother, her father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Also known as, “The Kiss Of Death”.

I cried when I heard the news. My feels are still mixed about the whole thing. Of course I am so happy they are coming home and I will get to see her and meet her youngest baby. I am also joyful, and reminding myself I feel that way makes me cry harder. He was active and happy and served Jesus with all of his heart. He is finally going to meet God face to face and that gives me goosebumps. Can you imagine what he will see? Nope, you can’t. Revelation talks about it, but it’s just a hint about what we have to look forward to. It would be staggering to know someone I loved so much who loved God so much was going home to meet Him. I can only live vicariously through my friend – the joy must be insurmountable.

Still, the grief would overwhelm the joy. The joy would overwhelm the grief. I understand what it’s like to have all those feelings at once: It’s what I specialize in. Bipolar gives a special kind of intimacy and work because of the depth of emotion I live with. I’ve got this unless everything in my life is perfectly balanced, which it is not often. I don’t use heroin, but I can get what it is like to think you need it. There are so many instances like that. I can’t know what it is like to lose a father; I can’t even conceive it, but I know what it is like to have to deal with so many feelings at once.

Things are coming together for them and they will be perfectly orchestrated by the time they get here. It probably won’t go like we planned, but it will happen. I wish I could get them all they need – a car – a house closer to her father – more monthly support. All I’ve got now is prayer. It sounds so hokey, but what else do I have to give? I can make them a good cake. That’s about it.

If you’re a pray-er, please pray for this wonderful family. If you’re not, thank you for reading until the end of this. That means a lot to me.


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