Tag Archives: friendships

Can’t we all just get along?

When I hear a woman say, “I just don’t get along with other women,” I instantly realize this a woman with serious issues.

There are seven billion people on earth. Slightly more than 3.5 of them are women. This means, after all the women in the world, you have a problem with all of them?

The last time I heard a woman say that I told her something like that. She didn’t like it, of course. I am still glad I said it. She told a client of hers the same thing and the client responded, “Well, of course you don’t get along with women, women are difficult to get along with.” Shortly after that her client was asked to leave the business permanently. Good thing her philosophies were the one the woman chose to adhere to. Are we all that blind?

I’m well today, thank you for asking. I did a twenty minute yoga practice, went to church and drank caffeine. This evening I will also do yoga and meditate using sacredspace.ie A wonderful site put together by the Irish Jesuits. I feel better, I’m not perfectly whole, yet, but that is something we can hope for only on the other side of heaven.


All that happened today

It’s a blog, I can afford to be self-indulgent. I did very little today. I watched the end of “Eat, Pray, Love” which did very little for me. There was nothing about it to recommend, except a desirable Brazilian man. It’s rare to hear the word “Brazilian” any more when it doesn’t have to do with making a grown woman’s pee pee look like a slow developing twelve year old girl. I saw him; I heard it. But it’s not worth the hours you need to watch to get to him.

I went to get Small for lunch today. It’s my new habit. She was throwing away her bag lunch. She really wanted to eat school lunch. We didn’t like the expense (actually, I didn’t mind it, how does $2.00 break the bank?) and didn’t like the meals that continually featured french fries and other “bad” things. I suggested I bring her home for lunch. B and Small practically cheered at the suggestion. So now I have my day sliced in half.

I set an alarm to remind me to go get her. I peel her away from her place in the lunch line and we come home. Today she had rigatoni with marinara sauce and two glasses of milk. No real veggies and fruits. But better. She says she likes it better because she gets to spend more time with me. I will try to love this as it lasts.

After lunch I walk her back. This is where the drama began. I can’t tell you exactly what happened: I promised her I wouldn’t. It had to do with the girl she gave the “BFF” 1/2 necklace last week. As I said, I can’t tell you the details, but it involved…. never mind, I promised I wouldn’t.

Shortly after school we went over to T’s house. T is a luscious, red haired sixty-something woman who happens to be one of my best friends. T is easy to spend three hours on her back porch swapping stories. She and three of her old-lady friends are putting a show on for the talent show and she asked me to direct. (Which I believe was merely a scheme to get me out of the house.) I was the most best of all directors in the whole world and made a grand total of three suggestions. They were adorable.

(I also know T is an avid reader of my blog. Much of what I said above was for her benefit. It also is true.)

Then, it became time for T to give away many of her worldly goods. I wound up with a whole bunch of beautiful things, purple runners, plates bowls. I could give a laundry list of all her beautiful cast offs, but I will not. You would probably be, (a) disinterested, or (b) jealous.

We met my mother for dinner at a chain Chinese restaurant. I was starving, as I ran out of “Weight Watcher’s Plus, Plus Points” so I’ve been eating vegetables, and couldn’t find any more of them on the black market. I guess I just don’t know the right people, or the right websites. There are some “Canadian” sites, but I don’t trust anything not made in the States.

Later my mom and I went to Sally Beauty and found a new haircolor for me. I am pretty tired of being 35 and being dissatisfied with the way I look. I’ve always had very good hair – thick, coarse, wavy. For some reason the last two years I’ve been obsessing over it. I change my hair color every 2-3 months. I like it red. It was an orangey color that I loved loved loved that no one else did. I feel like I have red hair, something in my soul has red hair and I don’t feel like myself without it. My natural color is slightly tinged with red.

We walked in to the shop and my daughter immediately walked to the hair swatches and said, “This one is mine.”  Upon closer inspection, she had found a color exactly the color of her hair.  Maybe she has a career as a colorist in her future.

My mom helped me find my latest color.  It promises to be a gold/red color, but I don’t know when I am going to apply it.  It’s frustrating and exciting to wait.  I want good color for my daughter’s birthday party because there are going to be pictures.  I can’t stand the dark purpley color I have right now.  I know it’s not about me, but to be honest, I believe most peoples world’s are about themselves.

We came home and Small was beside herself with tears.  She was acting very upset, in fact she was acting like she was sick.  No fever.  Was sad.  She kept going over and over again that she, “didn’t get anything.”  I thought she meant T’s Grand Give-Away.  Small had played with a kaleidoscope there and was disappointed she didn’t get to take it home.  I thought that was it.  (This is not an attempt to get you to give the kaleidoscope to Small.  Do not give your kaleidoscope away, please.)

Sure, that was a part of it but the real deal was what happened at school.  Not only did she feel things were unfair, she also felt betrayed.  When I think about my life as a little girl, I have memories and I still feel this sting of betrayal, sometimes.  I wonder if she senses that I am just a few steps away from feeling like that again.

Anyway, she is in bed now, sleeping.  I wrote through “Sherlock” and I’m writing through “Freaks and Geeks”. I am not smart of enough to identify with Sherlock nor humble enough to identify with Dr. Watson.  I didn’t have good enough friends to identify with any Freak or Geek.

Enough until tomorrow

From Sherlock:

“You don’t seem very afraid”
“You don’t seem very frightening.”

a friend gossips at all times

I do finally have a good friend here.  She’s the kinda friend I would call if I got a new cri-cut (a paperworking machine – I got one, I called her.  Actually, texted her.  She is that kinda gal.)  She’s fun, creative, generous.  She’s also very bossy.  And she has a bad habit of talking about people behind their back.

I was telling my therapist all of this, then said, “If she starts to do-” He interrupted me, “when”she does it.  Ah yes, the facing of facts.  When will I be on the negative list? What will I have to do to get there?

It kinda puts me on edge in general.  I’ve told all of you how I’ve spent so much of my life so lonely.  Part of that is being bipolar.  I did live in my little world.  And I had no power to break out of it.  Now that I’m doing much better I can actually talk to people in situations like, oh, a party.  Or a church.  I used to go and hide in the bathroom during the greeting time at church.  Now it would never occur to me to do that.

I do have some other friends.  I have the sixty + year old woman who shares clothes with me (it’s a very young 60-ish).  She yanked me from my table at the women’s breakfast yesterday because she thought I didn’t like the company.  I have lots of people I could call if I was stranded or needed a lift, but not someone who was a real, I don’t know, friend?

I wrote on my facebook that “Friends are people who find the same things funny.  Namely, each other”.  She commented happily that axiom describes us.  It does, I was thinking of her when I wrote it.  But I don’t know how long this friend affair will last.  It makes me sad.

Mr M suggested speaking to her about it.  He said that since she is a Christian we have a responsibility to each other to correct each other.  Like iron sharpens iron, you know?  I want to do so.  I can be so forward about so many things, but not this.

I was dwelling on two lost friendships I had.  We were bff and then something happened, in one case we were great friends in the 6th grade.  Then we went to different schools.  We were reunited in high school and she’d have nothing to do with me.  She wasn’t rude but made it clear I was supposed to stay away.

A similar thing happened in high school with another girl.  During the summer we spent almost every night at each other’s house.  School started.  I don’t know what happened.

I don’t think too much about that anymore.  Maybe it’s one of my disabilities that drove the girls crazy.  If I were depressed I would think that there was something inherently wrong with me, but I don’t.  I share this with you, though, to explain why I am so willing to let all of this go to keep her as my friend.  Friends are fun.  Especially one who wants to go to the Dollar Tree with me and eat Del Taco while our kids play in the play space.

But what is going to happen to me when she decides she’s through with me too?